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Been a while.  Have had a lot of struggles.  Seems like I’ve been battling depression for 3 years, and it’s still going.  Though I’m having more good days than bad.  Still sober and it’s still not easy cheesy.  Still battling the back pain, but just recently found a ton of relief.

A few months ago the doc and I changed the meds that I was taking for depression, at my request.  I didn’t feel like the old meds, which I had been taking for at least 10 years,  were working as well.  It took a while to find something that I felt was working.  If you decide to do something like that, to change your anti-depressant, just watch out because while you’re getting used to the new medicine, depression gets pretty weighty.

Still sober and in February it’ll be 4 years.  Seems like it’s been a lot longer than that.  Staying sober is something I’ll have to continue to work at for a while longer.

In the early days I remember hearing just that, that it’s a life-long process.  I didn’t really understand what that meant exactly.  During some of my worst depression days is when I have more thoughts of “just going out this one time and grabbing a six pack” because “I just want to feel better right now.”  Thankfully I have tools and a mindset to not act on those thoughts.

Still have a “taste” that won’t go away.  It’s the same taste I used to get when I would be at work or out somewhere and unable to drink but it wasn’t long before I could.  Have that taste right now actually.  That’s pretty tough to deal with, too.

I guess I say all of that to let anyone who’s just started their sobriety know how things progress.  Realize though that not everyone is exactly the same in their sobriety.  I hope it’s easier for you.

I found pain relief for my back about 3 months ago during an office visit with my PCP.  I was asking about getting an MRI on the thoracic area of my back since no one has EVER ordered that procedure for me.  Yeah, ever.  The reason I can’t get that MRI is usually, “no one has problems in that area of the back usually.”  Very frustrating to say the least.

Anyway, during that visit the doc asked if I had had a steroid shot at the spot where it hurts.  I hadn’t.  I had had a shot in my neck a few years ago which didn’t do anything.  Know why?  Because the pain isn’t or hasn’t been in my neck!  Which is what I’ve been trying to tell every doctor that I’ve seen since I started this mess.  He gave me a steroid shot right where I told him it was hurting.  I was very nervous about having a shot in my back.  I don’t like having shots in my butt much less my back!  Fortunately, I didn’t have a lot of time to think about it because he did it that visit.

The shot had 3 different meds in it.  A long lasting steroid, a fast acting steroid, and lidocaine to numb the area.  The relief was immediate!   The reason it was so fast was the lidocaine, but whatever.  I’ll take it.  The pain did come back after the lidocaine wore off but in a day or two I had little to no pain.

I’ve had 2 of those shots (one a month) and can have one more (this Wednesday).  In six months we can go back to one a month, for 3 months.  I’m not sure if they are the epidural type shots or not. I think so because once he gets so deep I can feel something back there hitting right on the spot in a sort of “OW…..ahhhh” kind of moment.

I’ll stop there for now. I’ve been wanting to get back to writing again for so long.  Often I would just lose the urge or wouldn’t know what to write about.  I hope to not be such a stranger and get back to writing again.  I really enjoy it.

Because of Him,

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I’ve experienced a lot of weekends in my life.  This past one was quite possibly the worst one in my 37 years.  So much pain. 

Hoping I never have one like it again.

 

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Information Underload

Hey. Thanks for stopping by. While you’re here I just want to take a second to let you know that I haven’t forgotten about you, nor the blog, and try to give the best excuse I know.

I’ve reached another of those points in life where I’m feeling a bit like I’m here just to exist. Nothing really exciting happening. Nothing much good happening, or that’s what my mind wants me to think anyway. I have a tendency to give into my mind a lot.

I was having a tweetersation the other day and told them that I feel like I’m Bill Murray in the movie “Groundhog Day.” Now, if you’ve seen the movie you probably understand. If you haven’t, you should see it. It’s a pretty good movie.

To put it simply, everyday I wake up seems to go just like the day before. Like I’m living the same day over and over and over. The routine is the same. The emotions and feelings are the same. Life seems to revolve around the pain in my neck, literal pain in my case.

I’ve not told you that the results of my myelogram was 3 more bulging discs in my neck. I made a trip to the Dr last week to get a steroid shot in area of the bulges but due to there being a plate in my neck from a previous surgery, the shot was aborted. He wasn’t going to be able to see via the fluroscope where his needle would be going and that would just be problematic.

So, anyway. I’m here. The blog isn’t going anywhere, meaning I’m not going to shut it down or anything. I still want to write but at this point I don’t have a lot to say that hasn’t already been said. Once I get this pain figured out or figure out a way to deal with it I hope to be back here in full swing. Until then I’ll just be updating on occasion. I am still reading your blogs (if you’ve shared them with me) so I’m still around.

Until next time, God Bless.
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