The Beginning

Dormant

For so long I was dormant, my mind – dormant.  Everything that I was about could be summed up in a word.   Every thought that went through my mind, too, could be summed up in a word.  Everyday the schedule was the same, get up (one thing on my mind), go to work (one thing on my mind), come home and begin the wasting of time and mind.  No new thoughts, no old thoughts, just one thought.  Alcohol. 

The Simple Thoughts

As I am writing this, that was my life as of 7 months, 8 days, and many many years prior.   It was ok at the time.  I was able to “get away” from life, if only for a brief time.  Temporary insanity is what I like to call it now.  I kept the alcohol flowing, getting away, only to face life (though not in a jovial state) again the next day.  In fact, the next day was probably going to be worse than the current, all the more reason to consume more of that wonderful “get away juice.”  Looking back life was simple and my thoughts, though normal yet destructive at the time, were simple.  I could do this forever!

Functioning

Functioning (used loosely) alcoholic I was (Yoda anyone?)  No one knew it but me.  That’s a true statement. Others thought knew something was wrong, but no, it couldn’t be alcohol.  Never even crossed their mind.  I was taking Prozac at the time (still taking it at present) so I was able to hide behind depression as the reason I was the way I was.  (Ever mixed Prozac and alcohol? It’s like a fight in your mind all the time. Prozac fighting the effects of the alcohol.  Alcohol is a depressant.  Anti-depressant fighting a depressant. Fun.)  

The Coming Out

Thing is, I couldn’t do this forever.  Life threw her lessons at me until I was on the verge of loosing everything.  My job was starting to be affected.  I was leaving early everyday to beat everyone to the store so I could continue to hide my “depression.”  (I bought my stuff (it was just beer, btw) from a store right in the middle of town that had a drive through. I smoke so if ever I was caught, I was “just buying cigarettes.”) I had stopped going to church (went all my life) a long time ago.  I didn’t want to be around anyone (except Bud).  Family, friends, I just didn’t want to be around them, so relationships were non-existent.  I had had enough!!  

I spoke to my family back in September 2007, tried to quit on my own, and did pretty good, for a little while.  But it just picked right back up with more avengance.  I sought help from a friend of the family, checked myself in to Cumberland Heights, cleaned up and here I am.

Brief and Purpose

That’s it in a nutshell.  I know it’s a bit brief, but there will be more. You may have tons of questions for me.  If so, I welcome them and will respond to them in my comments section.  After cleaning up my life and mind,  ”things” have completely changed.  Everything is coming back to normal.  My job is now safe.  I now have so much pent up thoughts in my head that I have to get them out.  This is the best way that I know how.

If you are reading this and struggling see, I feel it is my calling to help you.  The purpose of my life I now know.  I’m here to help you and those like us.  I also hope that other’s can read this and get a feel for what it is like to have this disease.  Help them to understand. I’m going to have some fun, I deserve it!  If I can help just one person through this media, then my life will be complete.  

I’m going to be sharing thoughts with you that are running through my mind daily.  Some things I’ve been through, some things I’m going through, and I hope all of them help each of you in some way.  Please keep checking back as this is a work in progress.  Yes, I have planned and thought, and thought and planned this out, so this is not going to be another failure in my life. 

Let me help you help yourself!

SC

PS (Are PS’s allowed in a blog? Oh well)

As this is my first post I would like some comments on just the blog itself.  I’m working on a logo, so that will be coming soon.  Maybe even tell me some things you would like to hear.  I seek success with this and I will need your help just as me helping you in turn helps me.