Rehab Reflections: Out With The Old And In With The New

For details on what Rehab Reflections is about, please refer to the previous posts of the series, Rehab Reflections: The Return of Spirituality and Rehab Reflections: God Answers Prayers!

photo by francisteresa

March 6, 2008

I am pretty sure at this point in my Spiritual life I have personally completed Step 2 of the 12 steps.  The last of my “friends” “FriendA” and “FriendB” left today.  Pretty much a sad day.  Had a little cravings tonight, but I talked to “NewFriendC” and they went away.  “NewFriendD” “broke-into” the combination lock on the metal cabinet in the group room.

Well, another short post.  Not to worry, next weeks is going to be much longer.  This one though has a lot behind it.

If your wondering what step 2 is, Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Last week I made the comment that I had thought I had most likely completed the first 3 steps.  This entry only confirms, in my mind, the first 2.

I first had to realize that I was insane.  Meaning, I kept doing the same thing over and over and in my mind thinking I was ok and could stop this at anytime all by myself.  My Power was indeed God.  The same God that I had wrestled with and denied and fought against for years prior.

The 2 friends leaving was a big hit to me.  FriendB was probably the closest friend I had and we grew very close.  FriendA had also become a very good friend.  These two were the last of the “original” group that was there when I started.  We were an awesome group.  There was so much respect between each member of the group.  As one person left, a lot of the group went with him.

Many many tears were shed on that day between the 3 of us.  I had a hard time concentrating in our group sessions for fear I would miss saying bye one last time.  And of course, there was always one last time and I did miss it.

Then, there was me.

Well, and a bunch of new folks.  The 2 new Friends mentioned came from further out of the hills than I did.  We talked, but I was never able to establish that closeness that I had with the others before.

The group sessions from this point forward were full of disrespect and a lot of speaking out of turn.  It was very disheartening.  I felt like the “leader” at this point I remember.  I voiced my opinion about the extra noise and the “rules” from before that were no longer being followed.

There was so much talk about past usage and fun and drugs and alcohol and some couldn’t wait to get out so they could do it again.  It was sad.  This also made me quite angry.

I’m really really glad I came in when I did.  I am more glad I didn’t have to hang around this new bunch very much.

Oh, the “vandalism” that was spoke of?  No, nothing was stolen.  He just told us all that he could break the combination and get in.  We didn’t believe him.  He did it.

The old group was gone.  The new group was in.  The old me was gone, the new me was in.

Because of HIM

SC