This is the fourth and final part of this series. You can go here to see part 1 and here to see part 2 and here to see part 3
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I said in my previous post that I finally started to get IT. IT being “Family of God.” The church was going to be my place of refuge. The
place where, as a family, I was going to “get my AA.” After all, the church is where I was going to go and be able to talk to whomever about whatever problems were ailing me.
I mean, that is what the “Family of
God” is there for, right?
Well, I guess I’m thinking that I’m not getting the same results from the Church as I would/could be getting from attending an A.A. meeting. For one, on Sunday mornings there are so many “strangers” in our midst, you know, the family members that you only see once a week, that it’s hard to get comfortable enough to say some things that need to be said.
The Sunday morning/Sunday night/Wednesday night members, the ones that I see at each worships service, are the family members. I feel that even with some of those brothers and sisters I can’t be comfortable talking for fear of being considered “a Sinner” or “no faith.”
So, for those reasons, it’s hard to get everything that I need from the Church. There may be others that I’m not thinking about. I know there are some of you that I attend church with. This is not meant to be a roast and nothing has happened to me personally that has caused these thoughts. They are just my thoughts, period.
There are exceptions to the rules. There are Brothers and Sisters that I can talk to comfortably. And that is great. I’m sure that a lot of this is just mental because it’s just not something that we do in the Church. I’m also not blaming anyone but myself for this. But can I change anything?
I’ve made the statement to some about how the church should be the place we also call Sinners Un-Anonymous. I or anyone else should be as comfortable in the walls of the church building as I am in the walls of an AA meeting. Because, regardless of what some think (and no this is just a general statement) just because I’m an alcoholic in recovery, I am no better or worse than ANYONE else in the room. I should be comfortable enough to state that in any setting and also to use that to make others in attendance feel comfortable being there and being able to talk to me…whew.
Off my soapbox. Sorry about that. I got a little bit way off topic.
I don’t think I’ve answered the question, why don’t I go back to AA meetings? Well, I still have faith that soon I will be in the company of my Brothers and Sisters and I WILL be able to get and give everything necessary to fight the demons of my world and your world, from inside the walls of the church building. I can also get coffee, candy, and conversation from church as well.
Well, I’m expecting questions. I think I have helped myself with these 4 posts and maybe I’ve helped you as well. At the same time, I feel I’ve left a lot of questions unanswered. That is where you come in. Please, if you have any questions, please ask. Who knows, it could be YOUR question + my answer that helps the next pair of eyes that read this.
Hope I didn’t rant and rave to much for ya. Thanks for reading!
Because of HIM
SC
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5 Comments
I just read these four posts and I was left wondering if there is a Celebrate Recovery somewhere around your home? Our church has it and it seems that it would be an appropriate combination for you.
BTW I saw your tweet about this post. It’s all good.
Kool Aid’s last blog post..A new parenting tip
i think everyone feels that way and they shouldn’t. people are afraid of being judged and we live in a very judgemental society. that and many times people misunderstand or we don’t clearly convey our thoughts. so people get the wrong idea and unfortunately judge and gossip. this holds people back. it’s not the way it should be and not everyone in church is like this. sometimes it’s just hard to know who is and who isn’t. you’ll know the ones you can talk to. and it may be best to talk to them outside of the congregation. We shouldn’t let the faults of others hold us back or be concerned about their judging…but we are human. Ultimately, we need to do what’s best for ourselves.
Hey Scott,
Each person is different. I have learned through many experiences that any “one” way is not always right. Each “day” is different. You must go through life “in the moment” or you will drive yourself nuts in questioning your every move. I am not saying don’t plan or think something through. I am saying follow your heart all the way. On any given day if you need the comfort of AA then I say go. If you feel that church gives you 100% of what you need emotionally then that is ok also. My friend that I have made reference to mentioned this very thing to me last night. She said if she did not attend the regular meetings she felt as though she was letting the group down until she discovered another group to attend. She found a group through a church that combines AA practices but yet church also. I think she has finally landed in a place in which she can spiritually grow but yet still have that “open” atmosphere of just letting it all out that she needed. I did agree to go to a meeting next week with her. She is so excited that she didn’t have to give up one for the other.
You are so heart set on everything. I admire you so much for the courage that you have shown to each of us. Please give yourself a chance to live a life of not blaming yourself. Live a life that reflects back to something that is a past and move forward to be happy that you made it. Each day you make it. Each day that you get up and say, “Good morning Scott….I am good. I am whole.” Let your heart and soul guide you to where you need to be.
Stand strong and DON’T SMOKE!
Cricket’s last blog post..End of the Trail
@Cricket Kool Aid mentioned something about Celebrate Recovery. I wonder if this is not very similar, or not the same thing as what you and your friend are going to attend? I’ve yet to investigate it, but I am going to.
Heart set, maybe. Successful? Not quite where I want to be yet. No comment on the last sentence….yet
@blueberries – Thanks for your comment. Isn’t our place, though, to let our Brothers and Sisters know that what they are doing (judging, gossiping, etc.,) is just as wrong as what they are accusing the rest of us of doing even if it is in their own mind? And, you’re right not everyone in the church is that way. It could quite possibly the minority that does. So, the church, like society, bends and gives to the minority? Not sure that’s right either. We are human, but Christians are supposed to be different, if you know what I mean.