Catchup and Stuff

I’m sitting here looking at this vast, empty, white space and wondering how in the world am I going to make my specTABulous re-entry into The Ever-Changing Thought.  After 2 months, I’m not even sure I can get back into my thoughts enough to be able to share the way I have in the past, not to mention not having the ability to write any longer.  I do miss it so I’ll just have to do the best that I can do.  Oh, and it’s probably not specTABulous either. 

The Quick Catch Up

Since February 7th, has a lot happened?  Not really.  The back still hurts and pain meds are a must.  I’ve had another MRI on my thoracic spine because the pain is still so bad.  Nothing showed up on the MRI so I’m not sure what the next step is.  The surgeon wanted me to do physical therapy, but I did 20 visits of that last year for the same issue and I’m not too excited about jumping into that, considering it didn’t help a bit.  I’m thinking maybe a myelogram.  Who knows.

I’ve celebrated year number 2 of my sobriety.  That was on February 25th.  I didn’t really do anything to celebrate it, but still very proud of this mark on my path.

Because the pain is still as persistent as it is, I don’t see me being able to hold down a normal 9 to 5 job.  I’m also putting going back to school off for another year.  I’m having too many bad days.  So, I’ve started my own business working out of my home, doing the same thing I’ve done for 16 years. 

I started Allistin Technologies as an IT consulting and support company for home and small to medium businesses.  Network support, computer support, installing, whatever needs to be done, whatever configuration of the network, I’m going to be offering support for whomever for those areas. i do have a Facebook fanpage, if you’re interested in becoming a fan, and also a website, that needs a bit of work.

Business is slow, still, but I’ve only advertised for 2 weeks.  I have been to several business’s handing out cards.  I think it’s going to be fine.  I hope.

I took my daughter to get her driving permit today.  She was very excited and she passed, only missing two of the questions.  I did let her drive my truck for a little while today.  She did very good and yes, I was a little nervous, but we made it through it just fine.  Just can’t believe it got here so quickly.

Things Aren’t What They Seemed

I may have shared this in the past, can’t remember.  Life just isn’t going the way I thought it was going to go when I was younger.  Not even close.  And that’s kind of bumming me out a bit.  It’s a heavy weight that’s keeping me down a little bit I think. 

I know, I have the choice to make my life the way I want it to be, there’s nothing I can’t do, make the best with what I’ve got. I know all of those words, it’s the actions, the “how-to’s” that I am really struggling with.  What’s worse is the slide I’m on seems to keep on going into some dark, dank, abyss.  It was a fun slide, at first, but I’m ready to get off it now.  Too many ups and massive drop-offs seem to be making me a bit sick.

I tell myself quite frequently, “I just want normalcy.”  When I then ask myself to define “normalcy” silly me just can’t seem to do that.  It becomes hard to want something you can’t define. Maybe what I’m in is “normalcy.”  My “normalcy.”  But, I don’t like my “normalcy” and I want something different.  Well, what do I want?  I don’t know. World peace?

I don’t know, y’all.  This whole being a human thing sure isn’t a lot of fun.  It’s hard, and I have little piddly problems that I don’t even like to call problems.  I can’t imagine if I really had problems.  Guess I better not try.  I’m 37 (almost) and I’m finally realizing what life is hard, is really.  Actually, I’ve kinda known it for almost a year, either way, I’m glad it’s not the only thing I have to look forward to.


Look at me, rambling on about much ado about nothing.  One thing that makes me happy is this blog, these ever-changing thoughts of mine.  I’m goaling to be here more often.  Two, maybe three times a week for now so I’ll see ya around.  Don’t forget to catch me on Twitter or Facebook.

Until next time.


Because of HIM


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One Comment

  1. Posted April 16, 2010 at 9:45 pm | Permalink

    I completely understand the whole “this isn’t exactly what I thought life was going to be like” thing. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and mediocrity all the time, wondering if my life has really amounted to anything worthwhile, and praying that God will just use me to make a positive difference, little or big, in this messed up world we live in.

    There are so many things I want to accomplish with my life that I haven’t even come close to achieving yet, and it can be quite frustrating. But then I am reminded of all the wonderful blessings God has lavished on me: my amazing family, all the people who have been and are an integral part of my life, the blessing of having spent most of my adult life in ministry.

    Even when I get frustrated with all the lingering medical bills and the monthly scramble to get almost everything paid for the month before the next months starts and the cycle begins again, I am reminded that I have a comfortable house to live in, a vehicle to get me around, clothes to wear, food to eat, indoor plumbing, a nice bed to sleep in every night, central air and heat, and on and on the list could go. There are people all over the world who can’t even imagine living in such “luxury”.

    So I guess, for me, the key is trying to find a balance. There will always be more things I want to accomplish, and I will probably always be my own biggest obstacle to achieving those goals … but my life has been blessed beyond measure, and I have so much to be thankful for. And having you as a friend, even though we’ve never met in person, is one of those “things I’m thankful for”.

    God bless you, my friend. I pray His blessings on your business venture, on your health, and on your family. Hang in there, and thank you for sharing your struggles. You are an inspiration.

    Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS on two years of sobriety! That is awesome!
    .-= Paul O’Rear´s last blog ..How We Got Here, Version 1 =-.

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