Comments on: Ask An Alcoholic http://tecthought.com from the mind of a recovering alcoholic Thu, 02 Feb 2012 19:51:21 +0000 hourly 1 By: Scott http://tecthought.com/ask-an-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-48487 Scott Mon, 05 Dec 2011 03:04:55 +0000 http://tecthought.com/?page_id=217#comment-48487 @Jennifer - Yep, they sure can. @Jennifer – Yep, they sure can.

]]> By: Scott http://tecthought.com/ask-an-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-48481 Scott Mon, 05 Dec 2011 02:55:49 +0000 http://tecthought.com/?page_id=217#comment-48481 Wow. I don't know you guys and this hurts me. I'm sorry that you and you're husband are having to go through this. I am glad that you do realize he is sick. I'm going to give you some advice but you're not going to like it and it will NOT be easy. There is really no good answer on how you can help him. But, based on what I've read, I'll let you know what I think you should do. What you and your husband are doing to him is being his enabler. So, first and foremost, you guys need to not help him anymore. Don't help him financially. Don't bail him out of jail. Don't do anything that will make it easy for him to get out of a situation that he's gotten into. Dragging him to rehab isn't going to help. He IS going to have to hit rock bottom. His sickness is something that he is going to have to accept and getting better is something he is going to have to want to do on his own. Lying is a huge trait that alcoholics carry, as you've seen. To make sure we have something to drink, we'd lie about anything to anyone and won't bat an eye doing it. It's good that you've set the move out date. But I might put some stipulations on that. Make sure he understands the stipulations and what will happen if he breaks any of the rules, and when he does you have to stick to your decision. Make sure he knows that you love him, don't condemn him, but that YOU and your husband can't keep living like this and that he's driving both of you crazy. Let him know how hurt you guys are and it's because you love him that you have to do these things. If he steals again between now and then you may want to go ahead and up the move out date to right then. And as horrible as this sounds you might even want to call the police dept. and have him arrested for stealing. Let him hit rock bottom. You can help him get back and forth to work if he gets a job. As long as he is living by the rules of your house, you can help him, but don't help him financially because he will most likely use that $10.00 that he needs for lunch to buy his next drink or his next high. What if he gets high or drunk off the money that you gave him and heaven forbid he kills someone in an accident because he was drunk or high? Think you'd feel worse. Also, pick up two copies of The Big Book from AA. (if you want to start reading now, go <a href="http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=359" rel="nofollow">here</a>) One for you and your husband to read. It'll give you a lot of information about how alcoholics think, feel, and why they do the things they do. Leave the other one laying around somewhere that your son can see it. Don't force it on him. Don't show it to him. Don't say anything about the book. Let him run across it. There's a chance that he will pick it up and maybe, just maybe he'll steal that from you :) Basically, the best way you and your husband can help him is to not help him. I hope that makes sense. Finally, check out <a href="http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/index.php" rel="nofollow">AlAnon</a> for you and your husband. No, that's not an AA meeting. AlAnon is for family or anyone that has been effected by alcohol. See if there are any meeting places around your area. Lots of worried and hurt moms attend those. If you want my email address, it's on the About page of this site. Feel free to contact me anytime or if your son wants to talk to me, let me know. I hope this has made some sense. Hope it didn't hurt too bad. Again, feel free to email me anytime with any questions (even as they pertain to this reply) Wow. I don’t know you guys and this hurts me. I’m sorry that you and you’re husband are having to go through this. I am glad that you do realize he is sick.

I’m going to give you some advice but you’re not going to like it and it will NOT be easy. There is really no good answer on how you can help him. But, based on what I’ve read, I’ll let you know what I think you should do.

What you and your husband are doing to him is being his enabler. So, first and foremost, you guys need to not help him anymore. Don’t help him financially. Don’t bail him out of jail. Don’t do anything that will make it easy for him to get out of a situation that he’s gotten into. Dragging him to rehab isn’t going to help. He IS going to have to hit rock bottom.

His sickness is something that he is going to have to accept and getting better is something he is going to have to want to do on his own.

Lying is a huge trait that alcoholics carry, as you’ve seen. To make sure we have something to drink, we’d lie about anything to anyone and won’t bat an eye doing it.

It’s good that you’ve set the move out date. But I might put some stipulations on that. Make sure he understands the stipulations and what will happen if he breaks any of the rules, and when he does you have to stick to your decision. Make sure he knows that you love him, don’t condemn him, but that YOU and your husband can’t keep living like this and that he’s driving both of you crazy. Let him know how hurt you guys are and it’s because you love him that you have to do these things. If he steals again between now and then you may want to go ahead and up the move out date to right then. And as horrible as this sounds you might even want to call the police dept. and have him arrested for stealing. Let him hit rock bottom.

You can help him get back and forth to work if he gets a job. As long as he is living by the rules of your house, you can help him, but don’t help him financially because he will most likely use that $10.00 that he needs for lunch to buy his next drink or his next high. What if he gets high or drunk off the money that you gave him and heaven forbid he kills someone in an accident because he was drunk or high? Think you’d feel worse.

Also, pick up two copies of The Big Book from AA. (if you want to start reading now, go here) One for you and your husband to read. It’ll give you a lot of information about how alcoholics think, feel, and why they do the things they do. Leave the other one laying around somewhere that your son can see it. Don’t force it on him. Don’t show it to him. Don’t say anything about the book. Let him run across it. There’s a chance that he will pick it up and maybe, just maybe he’ll steal that from you :)

Basically, the best way you and your husband can help him is to not help him. I hope that makes sense.

Finally, check out AlAnon for you and your husband. No, that’s not an AA meeting. AlAnon is for family or anyone that has been effected by alcohol. See if there are any meeting places around your area. Lots of worried and hurt moms attend those.

If you want my email address, it’s on the About page of this site. Feel free to contact me anytime or if your son wants to talk to me, let me know.

I hope this has made some sense. Hope it didn’t hurt too bad. Again, feel free to email me anytime with any questions (even as they pertain to this reply)

]]> By: Deb http://tecthought.com/ask-an-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-48460 Deb Mon, 05 Dec 2011 01:38:19 +0000 http://tecthought.com/?page_id=217#comment-48460 I believe my son is an alcoholic and it is breaking my heart. He is 25 and is living back home after losing a job last April. He has probably had problems since middle school. I became acutely aware of his problem when he was in college. My husband and I sent him money as needed to help with living costs. It seemed gradual, but we noticed we had sent $1200 in just 6 weeks. When he came home that summer, we saw evidence of drinking to the excess and drug use, at least marijuana. He was on a downward spiral. I dragged him to a rehab hospital an hour away from us. It was a desperate effort to try to save him. He agreed to a drug test and it did show marijuana in his bloodstream, but not the cocaine I suspected at the time. He thought the fact that cocaine didn't show up vindicated him and I felt horrible. He went back to school that next fall and his attitude improve and the addictive behaviors waned. After college in 2010, he started in on a 6 month drinking binge. He was living at home and trying to get a job. My husband and I discovered that he had been stealing from us by using our credit cards without our knowledge. He also took checks from our checkbook and wrote checks for alcohol and extra money. When confronted with the hard cold facts, he denied it. He lied even when there was no other possibility of what happened. He finally got a job in November. A week after starting he came home for Thanksgiving. That Saturday he went to visit friends where he went to college. We could not get a hold of him until late Sunday. He finally came home and it was too late to drive the 4 hours back to his home and work the next day. He had to leave at 4 in the morning to make it back in time. We knew something had happened, but what. We found out on December 12, 2010. A letter came in the mail with charges of DUI. He had not even told us about that night he spent in jail. We helped him with this financially, hoping he would change. He had to travel with his job and we were afraid when he lost his license on Jan. 15th that would be the end of the job. Somehow he was able to keep his job. In April, he says the two new guys were downsized and he lost his job. I think he lost it because he was going to have to start to travel on his own and he could no longer hide the fact that he couldn't drive. Anyway, he came back home to live. He was offered two jobs that ultimately reneged when they learned of his DUI in background checks. The drinking is excessive, he has started stealing from us again, even though we thought we had taken every precaution. (Locking money, checks, credit cards, jewelry, purse, and wallets in our bedroom closet) We even hid alcohol in there. Yesterday I discovered some money missing. We thought some was missing before, but we second guessed ourselves and thought one of us must have taken it. This time it was blatant. No mistaking it was gone. Obviously he found our key. Again, he denies that he took the money. We have set a move out date (Dec. 28th) for him. We intend to stick to that plan. He is working a part time job, but the income will not be enough to live on, especially if he uses any on alcohol. I don't want him to hit rock bottom, but I cannot live like this anymore. In the past I have been so enraged and hurt that he could do this to us, to me. I now realize I (we) are powerless to help him. He is sick and has a problem The lying and stealing are part of the addiction. But with that being said, do you have any suggestions as to how we can help him? He denies that he has any problem. I know the first step is to acknowledge that one has a problem. I am heartsick and my prayers seem to go nowhere. Deb I believe my son is an alcoholic and it is breaking my heart. He is 25 and is living back home after losing a job last April. He has probably had problems since middle school. I became acutely aware of his problem when he was in college. My husband and I sent him money as needed to help with living costs. It seemed gradual, but we noticed we had sent $1200 in just 6 weeks. When he came home that summer, we saw evidence of drinking to the excess and drug use, at least marijuana. He was on a downward spiral. I dragged him to a rehab hospital an hour away from us. It was a desperate effort to try to save him. He agreed to a drug test and it did show marijuana in his bloodstream, but not the cocaine I suspected at the time. He thought the fact that cocaine didn’t show up vindicated him and I felt horrible. He went back to school that next fall and his attitude improve and the addictive behaviors waned. After college in 2010, he started in on a 6 month drinking binge. He was living at home and trying to get a job. My husband and I discovered that he had been stealing from us by using our credit cards without our knowledge. He also took checks from our checkbook and wrote checks for alcohol and extra money. When confronted with the hard cold facts, he denied it. He lied even when there was no other possibility of what happened. He finally got a job in November. A week after starting he came home for Thanksgiving. That Saturday he went to visit friends where he went to college. We could not get a hold of him until late Sunday. He finally came home and it was too late to drive the 4 hours back to his home and work the next day. He had to leave at 4 in the morning to make it back in time. We knew something had happened, but what. We found out on December 12, 2010. A letter came in the mail with charges of DUI. He had not even told us about that night he spent in jail. We helped him with this financially, hoping he would change. He had to travel with his job and we were afraid when he lost his license on Jan. 15th that would be the end of the job. Somehow he was able to keep his job. In April, he says the two new guys were downsized and he lost his job. I think he lost it because he was going to have to start to travel on his own and he could no longer hide the fact that he couldn’t drive. Anyway, he came back home to live. He was offered two jobs that ultimately reneged when they learned of his DUI in background checks. The drinking is excessive, he has started stealing from us again, even though we thought we had taken every precaution. (Locking money, checks, credit cards, jewelry, purse, and wallets in our bedroom closet) We even hid alcohol in there. Yesterday I discovered some money missing. We thought some was missing before, but we second guessed ourselves and thought one of us must have taken it. This time it was blatant. No mistaking it was gone. Obviously he found our key. Again, he denies that he took the money. We have set a move out date (Dec. 28th) for him. We intend to stick to that plan. He is working a part time job, but the income will not be enough to live on, especially if he uses any on alcohol. I don’t want him to hit rock bottom, but I cannot live like this anymore. In the past I have been so enraged and hurt that he could do this to us, to me. I now realize I (we) are powerless to help him. He is sick and has a problem The lying and stealing are part of the addiction. But with that being said, do you have any suggestions as to how we can help him? He denies that he has any problem. I know the first step is to acknowledge that one has a problem. I am heartsick and my prayers seem to go nowhere.
Deb

]]> By: jennifer http://tecthought.com/ask-an-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-41553 jennifer Tue, 25 Oct 2011 23:48:23 +0000 http://tecthought.com/?page_id=217#comment-41553 alcoholic ex dumped me after ten years tog and us half way through an ivf cycle. it came out of the blue. one day he was saying i was the love of his life and i was the only woman he ever lover then he dumped me by text. he broke off allcontact with me . that was a year and a half ago. six months ago i discovered he had been drinking with and going with a woman in my village who has children behind my back for years. that explained his disappearances for weeks on end. his drinking was getting worse too. they are now drinking together and have her children with them in pubs for hours at a time. when i met him recently he could,nt look at me. i text him for answers lately too and he text back saying go away, get on with your life i am happy now. its so sad he is a monster. its like i never knew him. will he ever reach bottom when he has found himself the perfect enabler. he seems to have no conscience or guilt for treating another human being the way he has treated me. maybe he is happy now and i was just a thorn in his side. i just wanted him to be healthy and happy alcoholic ex dumped me after ten years tog and us half way through an ivf cycle. it came out of the blue. one day he was saying i was the love of his life and i was the only woman he ever lover then he dumped me by text. he broke off allcontact with me . that was a year and a half ago. six months ago i discovered he had been drinking with and going with a woman in my village who has children behind my back for years. that explained his disappearances for weeks on end. his drinking was getting worse too. they are now drinking together and have her children with them in pubs for hours at a time. when i met him recently he could,nt look at me. i text him for answers lately too and he text back saying go away, get on with your life i am happy now. its so sad he is a monster. its like i never knew him. will he ever reach bottom when he has found himself the perfect enabler. he seems to have no conscience or guilt for treating another human being the way he has treated me. maybe he is happy now and i was just a thorn in his side. i just wanted him to be healthy and happy

]]> By: jennifer http://tecthought.com/ask-an-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-41551 jennifer Tue, 25 Oct 2011 23:24:05 +0000 http://tecthought.com/?page_id=217#comment-41551 can an alcoholic ever reach bottom if he has an addict girlfriend. my alcoholic ex dumped me for someone that drinks with him and then drives him home can an alcoholic ever reach bottom if he has an addict girlfriend. my alcoholic ex dumped me for someone that drinks with him and then drives him home

]]> By: Erica http://tecthought.com/ask-an-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-19945 Erica Mon, 27 Dec 2010 04:19:19 +0000 http://tecthought.com/?page_id=217#comment-19945 Scott, First of all, congratulations on your recovery. I have a question and I am not going to go into too much detail but I need someone with somewhat of an "outside" opinion... I am 29 and have struggled with addiction myself, although mostly with painkillers, I am currently still in treatment but have also struggled with alcohol (mostly social drinking) and marijuana in my earlier years. Here is my dilemma. I have a boyfriend whom I have been with for almost 3 years, we are expecting our first child together (we each have 2 from previous relationships, my 2 live with us) in April 2011. His name is Chris and Chris' mother, Laura, is a severe alcoholic. I have known this since I met him and have never met or known anyone in my personal life this deep into alcoholism. Let me give you a little bit of background. Laura is married to Chris' stepdad, Dave. Dave is not an addict and he is very successful in his career and a smart man. They have been together for about 20 years. Laura also takes benzo's such as Zanex and Klonopin, and smokes marijuana along with her drinking everyday. When I see or talk to her, 99% of the time she is doped up or drunk. She gets up in the early morning, makes herself a whiskey and sprite and continues to drink whiskey and sprite all day. She will even take a travel coffee mug with her filled with it whenever she goes anywhere (which isn't often since she has high anxiety and hates to leave the house and doesnt like when people visit either). Most people know of her drinking habit, like I said, she hardly ever goes anywhere. It is like she is stuck her own world and doesnt realize what goes on around her. Now, like I said, I have been around people who drink excessively when they get off work till they go to bed, or on the weekends and what have you but never have I seen anything quite like this... Chris and I talk about his mom often and get frustrated with her often too! Now, like I said, I have struggled with addiction so I've been through treatment and know that it is the addiction that is running her life. I guess I just feel at this point, with Chris and I having a baby soon, what can we do?? Dave, her husband, even though he is a smart man, just enables her. Like I said, she doesn't go anywhere for herself, which is mostly a good thing because there's no way she belongs behind the wheel, so he brings her her alcohol as she needs it whenever she runs out from the store. Why?!?! From what I understand from Chris and what Ive seen in our 3 years together, it is as if he doesnt want to make her mad or "interrupt" anything, like he's just feeding her addiction just so he doesnt cause any confrontation or anything like that. It's baffling to me that no one will stand up and say enough is enough! She is practically dying, she gets sick ALL the time, has been in the hospital a few times too I think mostly from dehydration. And why wouldn't the hospital staff and doctors do anything?? She goes to see her personal doctor on a regular basis for her painkiller and benzo refills, shes said before he has accused her of smelling like alcohol but doesnt go any further. I just feel like someone out there should be intelligent enough to intervene and atleast do what they can (or we) to get her better and on the road to recovery. I do understand that if she doesn't want to continue after an intervention, she wont. But I believe it is out of her hands...now how to do go about, without over-stepping my boundries, trying to help this woman?? She is going to be the grandmother of our daughter! Another thing real quick, if no one will help me in this, what should I do as far as our child is concerned? Should we just continue to see and talk to her once in a while, or completely cut ties? I really didn't intend for this to be so long! Thank you for listening! Scott,
First of all, congratulations on your recovery. I have a question and I am not going to go into too much detail but I need someone with somewhat of an “outside” opinion… I am 29 and have struggled with addiction myself, although mostly with painkillers, I am currently still in treatment but have also struggled with alcohol (mostly social drinking) and marijuana in my earlier years. Here is my dilemma. I have a boyfriend whom I have been with for almost 3 years, we are expecting our first child together (we each have 2 from previous relationships, my 2 live with us) in April 2011. His name is Chris and Chris’ mother, Laura, is a severe alcoholic. I have known this since I met him and have never met or known anyone in my personal life this deep into alcoholism. Let me give you a little bit of background. Laura is married to Chris’ stepdad, Dave. Dave is not an addict and he is very successful in his career and a smart man. They have been together for about 20 years. Laura also takes benzo’s such as Zanex and Klonopin, and smokes marijuana along with her drinking everyday. When I see or talk to her, 99% of the time she is doped up or drunk. She gets up in the early morning, makes herself a whiskey and sprite and continues to drink whiskey and sprite all day. She will even take a travel coffee mug with her filled with it whenever she goes anywhere (which isn’t often since she has high anxiety and hates to leave the house and doesnt like when people visit either). Most people know of her drinking habit, like I said, she hardly ever goes anywhere. It is like she is stuck her own world and doesnt realize what goes on around her. Now, like I said, I have been around people who drink excessively when they get off work till they go to bed, or on the weekends and what have you but never have I seen anything quite like this… Chris and I talk about his mom often and get frustrated with her often too! Now, like I said, I have struggled with addiction so I’ve been through treatment and know that it is the addiction that is running her life. I guess I just feel at this point, with Chris and I having a baby soon, what can we do?? Dave, her husband, even though he is a smart man, just enables her. Like I said, she doesn’t go anywhere for herself, which is mostly a good thing because there’s no way she belongs behind the wheel, so he brings her her alcohol as she needs it whenever she runs out from the store. Why?!?! From what I understand from Chris and what Ive seen in our 3 years together, it is as if he doesnt want to make her mad or “interrupt” anything, like he’s just feeding her addiction just so he doesnt cause any confrontation or anything like that. It’s baffling to me that no one will stand up and say enough is enough! She is practically dying, she gets sick ALL the time, has been in the hospital a few times too I think mostly from dehydration. And why wouldn’t the hospital staff and doctors do anything?? She goes to see her personal doctor on a regular basis for her painkiller and benzo refills, shes said before he has accused her of smelling like alcohol but doesnt go any further. I just feel like someone out there should be intelligent enough to intervene and atleast do what they can (or we) to get her better and on the road to recovery. I do understand that if she doesn’t want to continue after an intervention, she wont. But I believe it is out of her hands…now how to do go about, without over-stepping my boundries, trying to help this woman?? She is going to be the grandmother of our daughter! Another thing real quick, if no one will help me in this, what should I do as far as our child is concerned? Should we just continue to see and talk to her once in a while, or completely cut ties? I really didn’t intend for this to be so long! Thank you for listening!

]]> By: Christina http://tecthought.com/ask-an-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-17966 Christina Mon, 01 Nov 2010 13:22:05 +0000 http://tecthought.com/?page_id=217#comment-17966 My now common-law partner is, in my opinion, a heavy drinker. For example, this past Saturday, he drank about 3/4 a bottle of vodka and didn't really seem that drunk. He says that he has a high tolerance for alcohol and that sometimes it affects him and other times he has to drink a lot more and doesn't really feel it. When we were dating and only living together on weekends, he would drink a lot (half a bottle or so) and become angry and at times verbally abusive. Now that he's a bit happier ( he found a good job and has money now) he no longer gets angry when he drinks. But.. he drinks about a third of a bottle of vodka or rum almost every night it seems. I'm not sure if he has become an alcoholic or if I can even call him that. He says that he can not drink if he chooses to, and there are days like yesterday where he didn't have one drink. There were times in the past where he wouldn't drink for a week or more. But lately, it seems it's more frequent. I'm concerned about his health and not sure if I should just leave him alone to drink as much as he wants or try to intervene in some way. When I used to try to monitor his drinking, he would get angry. Now, I just leave it alone and we seem to be getting along better. Again, I'm concerned about the amount of alcohol he's ingesting and what it will do to him long term. I'm also concerned that he may turn into an alcoholic some day. He says he's not an addictive person, he's an abusive person in that he chooses to overindulge in food and alcohol when he feels like it. I don't know if he's just fooling himself. I also don't know if giving him space and allowing him to drink every night if he wants to is enabling him. I'm quite torn over this. I don't know what's right or the best course of action. My now common-law partner is, in my opinion, a heavy drinker. For example, this past Saturday, he drank about 3/4 a bottle of vodka and didn’t really seem that drunk. He says that he has a high tolerance for alcohol and that sometimes it affects him and other times he has to drink a lot more and doesn’t really feel it. When we were dating and only living together on weekends, he would drink a lot (half a bottle or so) and become angry and at times verbally abusive. Now that he’s a bit happier ( he found a good job and has money now) he no longer gets angry when he drinks. But.. he drinks about a third of a bottle of vodka or rum almost every night it seems. I’m not sure if he has become an alcoholic or if I can even call him that. He says that he can not drink if he chooses to, and there are days like yesterday where he didn’t have one drink. There were times in the past where he wouldn’t drink for a week or more. But lately, it seems it’s more frequent. I’m concerned about his health and not sure if I should just leave him alone to drink as much as he wants or try to intervene in some way. When I used to try to monitor his drinking, he would get angry. Now, I just leave it alone and we seem to be getting along better. Again, I’m concerned about the amount of alcohol he’s ingesting and what it will do to him long term. I’m also concerned that he may turn into an alcoholic some day. He says he’s not an addictive person, he’s an abusive person in that he chooses to overindulge in food and alcohol when he feels like it. I don’t know if he’s just fooling himself. I also don’t know if giving him space and allowing him to drink every night if he wants to is enabling him. I’m quite torn over this. I don’t know what’s right or the best course of action.

]]> By: Ronia http://tecthought.com/ask-an-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-17421 Ronia Wed, 13 Oct 2010 03:11:35 +0000 http://tecthought.com/?page_id=217#comment-17421 Hi Opal, I understand how you feel. I lived with an alcoholic for a short period of time. He dragged me down and my self esteem was slipping away day by day. The whole relationship with him was a lie..nothing he ever said made any sense or he would make promises that he didn't ever keep. I was just a place to live. The trouble with alcoholics is that they are selfish. It's all about them because they are stuck so far down into the pitty pot that they can't see a way out unless they either kill someone, and some don't stop drinking even after they have killed someone, or they hit their rock bottom. All I can say to you is..run and don't look back. Save yourself and go after what you want out of life. You are only 14 and have the rest of your life look forward to..life really is great. You can't help the alchoholic in your life..don't ever believe for one second that you can. Alcoholics suck the life out of you. It' s not to say that they are not good people..what I'm saying is that as long as they are drinking..you remain their hostage and will never move on with your life because you are constantly treated like you are less than they are. I hope this helps. Sorry to be so harse..but it's true. Hi Opal,

I understand how you feel. I lived with an alcoholic for a short period of time. He dragged me down and my self esteem was slipping away day by day. The whole relationship with him was a lie..nothing he ever said made any sense or he would make promises that he didn’t ever keep. I was just a place to live. The trouble with alcoholics is that they are selfish. It’s all about them because they are stuck so far down into the pitty pot that they can’t see a way out unless they either kill someone, and some don’t stop drinking even after they have killed someone, or they hit their rock bottom. All I can say to you is..run and don’t look back. Save yourself and go after what you want out of life. You are only 14 and have the rest of your life look forward to..life really is great. You can’t help the alchoholic in your life..don’t ever believe for one second that you can. Alcoholics suck the life out of you. It’ s not to say that they are not good people..what I’m saying is that as long as they are drinking..you remain their hostage and will never move on with your life because you are constantly treated like you are less than they are.

I hope this helps. Sorry to be so harse..but it’s true.

]]> By: Opal http://tecthought.com/ask-an-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-17388 Opal Mon, 11 Oct 2010 09:54:17 +0000 http://tecthought.com/?page_id=217#comment-17388 Hi, Well i don't really know how to say this but i'll give it a shot. I'm 14. My earliest memories of my dad is being scared of him, or driving past the pub in town with mum, looking for dads car... we'd alway find it. Sometimes dad would come home really, really late, and he'd yell at mum for no reason. He was drunk. Then as I got older it got worse. I'd talk to him at night and in the morning he would not remember what I'd even said to him no matter how important the convosation was. Then last month, mum let out 25 years worth of frustion and pain on to him. "I'll leave, take the kids and you can drink yourself to the grave" she said then he vowed that he'd never touch a hint of alchol again. My question is why do I feel like I've lost someone. i mean the only person i've ever known i gone. should I feel like this? will this pass? did you stop cold turkey? Thanks Alot Hi,
Well i don’t really know how to say this but i’ll give it a shot.
I’m 14. My earliest memories of my dad is being scared of him, or driving past the pub in town with mum, looking for dads car… we’d alway find it. Sometimes dad would come home really, really late, and he’d yell at mum for no reason. He was drunk. Then as I got older it got worse. I’d talk to him at night and in the morning he would not remember what I’d even said to him no matter how important the convosation was.
Then last month, mum let out 25 years worth of frustion and pain on to him. “I’ll leave, take the kids and you can drink yourself to the grave” she said then he vowed that he’d never touch a hint of alchol again.

My question is why do I feel like I’ve lost someone. i mean the only person i’ve ever known i gone. should I feel like this? will this pass? did you stop cold turkey?

Thanks Alot

]]> By: kirsty http://tecthought.com/ask-an-alcoholic/comment-page-1/#comment-15307 kirsty Thu, 08 Jul 2010 19:46:46 +0000 http://tecthought.com/?page_id=217#comment-15307 Hi, i hope that you can help me. My husband of 9 years is a recovering alcoholic. We've been together for 14 years and i got pregnant early on (unplanned) we now have 2 boys 12 and 8. He has been an alcoholic since i've known him, though i didn't relise for a long time as he made me feel odd and boring as i didn't drink much. We've had a very rocky relationship which i put down to his drinking but him to our uncompatability. He went to rehab last Jan and things have been awful since, he has fallen off the wagon and in much bigger ways, lost his license and is now so resentful and nasty to myself and the boy. He is miserable so today i thought if i bought non alcohoic beer, which he has bought himself, it may cheer him up but that turned out to be a mistake as all i got was the fact that all he wants is a real drink. He resents everything and seems to take everything out on us. Is this normal and will it pass? Thanks so much for listening Hi, i hope that you can help me. My husband of 9 years is a recovering alcoholic. We’ve been together for 14 years and i got pregnant early on (unplanned) we now have 2 boys 12 and 8. He has been an alcoholic since i’ve known him, though i didn’t relise for a long time as he made me feel odd and boring as i didn’t drink much. We’ve had a very rocky relationship which i put down to his drinking but him to our uncompatability. He went to rehab last Jan and things have been awful since, he has fallen off the wagon and in much bigger ways, lost his license and is now so resentful and nasty to myself and the boy. He is miserable so today i thought if i bought non alcohoic beer, which he has bought himself, it may cheer him up but that turned out to be a mistake as all i got was the fact that all he wants is a real drink. He resents everything and seems to take everything out on us. Is this normal and will it pass?
Thanks so much for listening

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