I’m sitting here looking at this vast, empty, white space and wondering how in the world am I going to make my specTABulous re-entry into The Ever-Changing Thought.  After 2 months, I’m not even sure I can get back into my thoughts enough to be able to share the way I have in the past, not to mention not having the ability to write any longer.  I do miss it so I’ll just have to do the best that I can do.  Oh, and it’s probably not specTABulous either. 

The Quick Catch Up

Since February 7th, has a lot happened?  Not really.  The back still hurts and pain meds are a must.  I’ve had another MRI on my thoracic spine because the pain is still so bad.  Nothing showed up on the MRI so I’m not sure what the next step is.  The surgeon wanted me to do physical therapy, but I did 20 visits of that last year for the same issue and I’m not too excited about jumping into that, considering it didn’t help a bit.  I’m thinking maybe a myelogram.  Who knows.

I’ve celebrated year number 2 of my sobriety.  That was on February 25th.  I didn’t really do anything to celebrate it, but still very proud of this mark on my path.

Because the pain is still as persistent as it is, I don’t see me being able to hold down a normal 9 to 5 job.  I’m also putting going back to school off for another year.  I’m having too many bad days.  So, I’ve started my own business working out of my home, doing the same thing I’ve done for 16 years. 

I started Allistin Technologies as an IT consulting and support company for home and small to medium businesses.  Network support, computer support, installing, whatever needs to be done, whatever configuration of the network, I’m going to be offering support for whomever for those areas. i do have a Facebook fanpage, if you’re interested in becoming a fan, and also a website, that needs a bit of work.

Business is slow, still, but I’ve only advertised for 2 weeks.  I have been to several business’s handing out cards.  I think it’s going to be fine.  I hope.

I took my daughter to get her driving permit today.  She was very excited and she passed, only missing two of the questions.  I did let her drive my truck for a little while today.  She did very good and yes, I was a little nervous, but we made it through it just fine.  Just can’t believe it got here so quickly.

Things Aren’t What They Seemed

I may have shared this in the past, can’t remember.  Life just isn’t going the way I thought it was going to go when I was younger.  Not even close.  And that’s kind of bumming me out a bit.  It’s a heavy weight that’s keeping me down a little bit I think. 

I know, I have the choice to make my life the way I want it to be, there’s nothing I can’t do, make the best with what I’ve got. I know all of those words, it’s the actions, the “how-to’s” that I am really struggling with.  What’s worse is the slide I’m on seems to keep on going into some dark, dank, abyss.  It was a fun slide, at first, but I’m ready to get off it now.  Too many ups and massive drop-offs seem to be making me a bit sick.

I tell myself quite frequently, “I just want normalcy.”  When I then ask myself to define “normalcy” silly me just can’t seem to do that.  It becomes hard to want something you can’t define. Maybe what I’m in is “normalcy.”  My “normalcy.”  But, I don’t like my “normalcy” and I want something different.  Well, what do I want?  I don’t know. World peace?

I don’t know, y’all.  This whole being a human thing sure isn’t a lot of fun.  It’s hard, and I have little piddly problems that I don’t even like to call problems.  I can’t imagine if I really had problems.  Guess I better not try.  I’m 37 (almost) and I’m finally realizing what life is hard, is really.  Actually, I’ve kinda known it for almost a year, either way, I’m glad it’s not the only thing I have to look forward to.

Finally 

Look at me, rambling on about much ado about nothing.  One thing that makes me happy is this blog, these ever-changing thoughts of mine.  I’m goaling to be here more often.  Two, maybe three times a week for now so I’ll see ya around.  Don’t forget to catch me on Twitter or Facebook.

Until next time.

Because of HIM

SC