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To say that I was worthless prior to the 1:00 appointment would be quite the understatement.  Work, friends, and let’s face it, pretty much everything had taken a back seat to the worry and dread.

The drive, which took approximately an hour, was horrible.  The closer I got to the destination, the more nervous and tense I became.  My stomach hurt.  My legs were getting numb.  And to top it off, all the extra tenseness threw my back into a fit of rage. 

I tried to listen to a podcast or two to take my mind off things, but eventually just had to turn the noise off completely.  I wasn’t really hearing anything anyway. 

A couple of tweets here and there, and a couple of IM’s here and there netted some much needed encouragement which really helped a lot.  More than I will ever be able to repay.  I appreciate all who helped get me there in one piece.  I appreciate all the extra prayers that you guys said on my behalf.

I must admit, I have been pretty selfish in my prayers today.  I have talked to God mostly about me today, but not so much just about what I want.  No.  Though they are my kids while here on earth, I made sure to keep my selfish desires out of this and remind myself through our talks that ultimately it’s God’s will that will be done. 

I arrived about 15 or 20 minutes early.  Walked into the lawyers office where the mediation would be taking place and there sat the ex and her present husband.  All that was left now was to wait for the lawyers.

Fifteen minutes later, my lawyer walked through the door and we went back to our room to prepare for the mediation.  Her lawyer still hadn’t showed yet. 

Thirty minutes later (1:30, 30 minutes after the meeting was to start) her lawyer still hadn’t showed and the person in charge of the meeting came in to inform us that he was going to be late, still.  UGH!

My lawyer and I sat for another 5 minutes before deciding to reschedule. 

The drive home I think was worse.  Emotionally drained.  Mentally exhausted.  But not once did I ask God why.  I know he’s got a plan.  We’ll just have to see what it is next time.

Because of HIM

SC

Been praying a lot today for what is coming up soon. Real soon.  Like, in about 13.5 hours from the time of this writing. 

Though I’ve known the day was coming, the reality of it hasn’t really set in until today.  Nervousness, fear, doubt, wonder.  All of those emotions barged in uninvited to my day and have made themselves at home.  I’ve asked them to go away, to no avail.

You see, tomorrow is mediation day.  My lawyer and I.  My ex-wife’s lawyer and her. A mediator between us. Trying to come up with a different custody plan with the kids.  The way I understand it, we won’t be in the same room together which is a definitely a plus.   If all goes well tomorrow we can keep this (and the kids) 0ut of court.  I’ve just got to be a bit stronger than I have been in the past with her. 

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Because of HIM

SC