Image by Iñaki Mateos via Flickr

I’m at one of my weakest points and he knows it.  He’s found a hole in my defense’s and is trying desperately to chip away at the edges and reach my core.  He’s party successful.

He’s found a way to shift my focus from where it should be.  Always keeping me focused on my infirmary.  Worse, keeping me focused on me.

Keeping me locked in pain to the point of becoming nothing but a clump of flesh. A miserable, peace-less, worthless, ball of soft tissue.

The cries of joy have turned into screams of agony.  The winks of love are now winces of hate.

Laughter is just a memory.  Something that was; cause now even the laughter pains me.

The joy that was me.  In me. With me.  He’s carting off in droves.

I feel powerless to stop him.  It’s another of his stupid tactics; he uses it well.

Though I know he is there, more importantly I too know that you, God, are there.  For if you weren’t I’m afraid I wouldn’t be.

I’m reaching out.  I’m hanging on.  I’m going to live again because You love me so.  You showed me so.

Because of HIM,

SC

photo by ro_buk

Have you ever thought about a situation you were in, turned to the Bible to make yourself feel better or give you a different, better, more positive outlook on the situation, only to be put pretty much in the same situation you were in before you looked, possibly a tad worse?

I was thinking about me and why I was not quickly pursuing getting my classes scheduled at Liberty University.  I’ve thought about it in the past and during that thought process I questioned my faith in God.  No, not that I had zero faith, but maybe that it wasn’t as strong as I thought it should be.  If I had the faith I thought I should have, then all of the steps through the process should be easy, no-brainer decisions.  Yet, I hesitate.  Why?

So, I turned to God for answers and he led me down a different thought process.  He pretty  much told me to get it together, or else.  Well, maybe not that harsh but it he has put a little pep in my step.

Instead of questioning my faith, I turned to the thought that maybe fear is keeping me in the hold pattern.  Not really wanting to land because I’m not sure the landing will be successful.  Surely fear is a better excuse and less damaging to what I consider to be a wonderful relationship with God.

Well, it didn’t work out that way for me, sort of.  I retrieved my trusty concordance from the bookshelf, searched for fear, and was swallowed up by the number of entries relating to fear.  Now, where to start?

I started out in 1 John.

18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. -1 John 4:18

Well, that didn’t help.  I know I’m not perfect, but that was a little to negative for what I was looking for.  That conversation made me think that not only did I lack the faith I should have, but I also lack the love for God like I should because of my fear. 

I think I’ll look somewhere else.

14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.-Isaiah 54:14

Great!  Now he’s telling me that because of fear, I’m not established in righteousness.  Now I’m starting to think of everything else I’ve been afraid of. 

Is it really not OK to have fear?  Well, maybe OK isn’t the correct term.  I mean, I don’t think fear is one of those Heaven or Hell issues.  But, there I go thinking.

So I turned our talk toward determining what we are “allowed” to fear and what we aren’t supposed to fear.

Don’t Fear

• Man – Proverbs 29:25; Matthew 10:28 (those who kill the body)
• Our Faith – John 12:42-50 Good example here of some Jews who were afraid to confess their faith because they might be put out of the synagogue, which to my understanding would pretty much be the end of the world for them.  Jesus in the verses following pretty much said that it will be the end of their world if they don’t confess their faith.
• The Lord – Lamentations 3:57

Fear

• Our Salvation – or how our salvation is working. Philippians 2:12
• Authorities– Romans 13:1-7  Probably more of a fear the consequences of not doing what they tell us to do, because doing so is the same as rebelling against God.
• The Lord – Way to many verses to put here.  I did a search for fear of the Lord in Proverbs alone.  You can see the results here.

Side Story

It’s 5AM the morning after I had written all of what is above.  As luck would have it  As it seems to have been planned, a storm with vivid lightning, crashing thunder that moves the house, and torrential rain, has moved into the area.  I’m sitting in the dark (because I want to, not because the lights are out) and I remember the days of my youth and how fearful I was of storms.  In fact, just the wind itself might have been my biggest fear when I was growing up.

A particular day when I was 13 are in my thoughts. I remember being the only one at home on this day and a fierce storm raced through the area.  Dad and Mom were both at work, each several minutes away.  Mom may have been 20 minutes or more away, I just can’t remember.  They each might as well had been a million miles away.

The wind picked up, the lightning flashed, the trees were bending over to where I sure thought the tops were touching the ground.  Not sure if there was a tornado in the area that day or not. 

I remember standing with the front door open, like you do during a horrible storm.  I was crying, quite possibly screaming.  Not sure about that.  I may have just wanted to scream.

It was a very moving experience.   I’m surprised that things of the wet nature didn’t move into my shorts from my bladder.

But I got over that fear.  At some point I fell in love with storms and would get so excited at the sound of thunder, the sight of lightning, and wind became a friend of mine.

Continue

Flash forward to February 2007. 

My faith in God and my fear of God were non-existent. 

A tornado ravaged the community where I live.  It came so close to my home where I was again, alone, drunk.  But, in the hopes that God was still around somewhere, I managed to pray, beg, live.  I was spared.

Not long after the tornado, I tired of dealing with my alcoholism and sought help.  While on the quest of becoming sober, he was there.  Always was. 

It took God putting the fear back into me that allowed me to see the errors of my way.  While at Cumberland Heights, my faith increased a thousand fold, a million fold, and a relationship was born…re-born.

So what does all of this mean, God? Sum it up for me.  What are you telling me? What does this have to do with classes and fear and faith? 

13 For I am the Lord, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you. –Isaiah 41:13  

Oh.  Okay then.  Don’t fear and my faith will increase?  What do you think?  I’m struggling to put the period on this post.  Maybe you can finish it for me….

Because of HIM

SC

photo by artethgray

though you used to be slaves to sin

The drink had become my master.  I was in total bondage and would do what I could to get that drink.  Rain, sleet, snow, or hail, I would have something to drink no matter how far I had to go to get it.  Getting close to the point where I would do anything to get it I’m afraid.  Seriously, it scares me how far down the dark road I had traveled.

The chains of addiction constantly dragging behind me.  Slowing me down.  Tripping me up.  Causing deep scaring wounds that never seemed to heal and the only way to ease the pain was doing what the master said. 

I ran the gauntlet of death as a slave to sin.  Sin had become just another word with no meaning, no feelings, no fear.  The master of sin had convinced me that nothing significant would happen to me.  He convinced me that there was no better life than the life I was living. 

He led me to believe that God was not.  Yes, I believed him.  After all, look at what God had not done for me.  This evil master had such a way with words, feelings, thoughts, that it was so easy to just let go and live the lie he promised.

I’m sure we’ve all at some point in our lives felt that bondage.  I guess bondage is used two fold in this post.  One being addiction and one being sin.  Wait, is addiction itself a sin?  Well, the good thing is the chains of each are not so strong that they can not be broken.

I don’t want you think that addiction only applies to drugs and alcohol.  You/We can be addicted to anything.  That anything can control our lives.  Food, money, TV, ourselves.  What?  You don’t think someone can be addicted to themselves?  My heart says we sure can.  All of these, and more, could be addictions.  And I do think that they could all be sinful.  Do you have an addiction?  You should probably think about that for a little while.

So, how am I supposed to overcome these addictions?  How are we supposed to overcome these sins?

You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

Paul said that if you want to be free from the bondage of sin, just change your mind.

⁵Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. ⁶The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; ⁷the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. ⁸Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. –Romans 8:5-8

How is that changing your mind?  Well before, our minds are set on what nature desires.  Then we change our mind and live with our minds set on what the Spirit desires. 

As many times as I read that chapter preparing for my Sunday morning class, that never dawned on me until one of our ministers spoke of this as a “change your thoughts” passage.  God’s Word is amazing.

Anyway, my mind was set on those sinful things for such a long time.  Then, that one day, I changed my mind.  I was tired of living like that. 

See, God had paid a hefty price for me a long time ago.  Which meant that in reality, I belonged to him.  I should be his servant, his slave.  But, I ran away.  I didn’t like what he was wanting me to do. 

I ran to sin, to satan, who had no rights to me.  He sure didn’t purchase me with anything.  Why should I have to listen to what he says?  God owns me.  I can run back to him and he will gladly take me back and give me shelter from the one who is chasing me.

Being a slave to righteousness also meant that there would be no more sin in my life.  Because if I did sin, well, then that meant that I was still a slave to sin and I can’t serve two masters.  Right? 

Right and Nope.  There will always be sin, thoughts of sin, because the devil still wants us to serve him.  BUT, as long as our minds are on what the Spirit desires and we are not obeying what the devil is wanting us to do, we are still not slaves to sin.  Which means we can, without fear, tell satan to get lost and turn to the Master for help in dealing with this fool, satan! 

How cool is that!?!  That’s kinda what I hear Paul saying in this passage:

11In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. -Romans 6:11-14

So, what are you thinking about?  Where are your thoughts?  Who are you serving?  I mean, you are a slave so, the answer to the title, “Are you a slave?” is yes.

The real question should be who do you want to be serving?

Because of HIM

SC

Photo By ttarasiuk

The Fine Print

I  want you to know that I’m not telling you that I think if you are doing, these things that I stopped doing that I think you are less of a person or that I am in any way better than you.  I’m not saying that if you do x then you are a horrible person and aren’t worthy to be a Christian, or that I am against x, y, or z.  I’m just putting this out there to let you know what I did to build my relationship with God.  This isn’t the end-all answer to getting you a relationship with God.  Understand?

I read a post over on the blog, Halfway to Normal, and started to leave a comment for the author, Kristin.  About 15 minutes and 200 words or so later, I decided that I would take my comment and turn it into a post of my own.  So, this is my comment to the post “When I’m not feeling very faith-full”.  Oh, you should really subscribe to her blog.  Really.  I’m not joking.

All of what is below here has helped me during my times of struggle.  From dealing with my issues with back-pain that is so over-powering at times, to dealing with past cravings, to dealing with just life in general.  Doing these things have kept me as close to God during the bad times as I am during the good times.  It has kept me on the straight and narrow during all 4 of the bold items that is listed at the end of her post.  Stress, out-of-routine, starting to lose sight, and when I’m just tired, I know that God is right here and I’ve not forgot him for 1 second.

So, Kristin, here ya go (and the rest of you guys and gals too)

So, how did I build my relationship with God?  Well, how do we build a relationship with people? For me, I used the very same building materials to build my relationship with God.  That’s right, Facebook and Twitter.  No, totally kidding.

Time

Not just time when it was convenient for me, but all the time I had and could. And sometimes even more than that.

Watching

I started out with one of the hardest things for me to do. I turned off my TV at a set time per night.  It really depended on which night it was and what show was on that determined at what time I would be turning it off. 

My “favorite” shows I watched while they were on.  Mostly because that was what my selfishness wanted to do.  Secondly because the shows were something that we talked about in our leisure time at work.

Seems like there was at least one hour nightly that I just “had” to watch TV.  The remainder of the night was usually just shows that I enjoyed and had watched since they premiered, but it wasn’t too much of a sacrifice for me to record them and watch them at another time.  Nights that I didn’t have a favorite show coming on is when I would watch the shows that I had recorded, but only for an hour.

During the time that I would normally be watching TV, I went into a completely different room and I started praying. I would then read my Bible. No particular order of reading at first, but then I found a schedule to complete the Bible in a year. It gave me more of a plan and made it easier to sit down and read.  Praying and listening to God is without a doubt, the most important tool I have used to build my relationship.  I’ll talk about that more shortly.

Because of the closeness to God I was feeling while doing this, it wasn’t long before I started recording all of my shows and spending 3 or 4 hours a night in scripture, tweeting or talking to some fellow Christians that I had found.  Also praying, and reading spiritually uplifting books by such authors as Lucado and Yancey.

I looked through my DVR the other day and it is now out of recording space, or very, very close to it, and I had deleted the “not favorite” shows from the device and the schedule in the past to make room for my favorites.  It is now full of almost an entire season of Lost, House, Heroes, The Office, and another one that I can’t remember now.  I haven’t watched those shows in a very long time. 

Guess how much I miss my “favorite” shows?  Absolutely none.  In fact, if I watch something now while doing other chores, I begin missing my time with God.  And I miss him way more than I ever missed watching the TV.

What’s that?  Oh, yeah, Now that I’ve got this amazing relationship God, I do turn the TV on every now and then.  I may catch something on Discovery or The History Channel or something while doing laundry or vegging.  But, it’s not on for very long before I start desiring to be in my bedroom reading, praying, or listening to God, then the TV goes off or I just leave it on and head back. Many nights at 7PM have I locked up the house, turned the lights off in the front of the house, and spent the remaining time in devotion or talking with fellow Christians.  I can’t imagine doing anything else really.

Praying

I love talking to God.  Praying and having a conversation with God is very rewarding.  And just like you can’t build a relationship with me without talking to me, you can not build a relationship with God without talking to him.  I mean talking to him.

This took some getting used to.  Sad to say that, I know, but it’s true. 

Like you probably already do, I was praying morning and night.  First thing up, last thing before going to bed.  But, as I spent time with him and not the TV, I wanted to spend more time with him during the day, at work, at play, wherever I happened to be.

I began having little prayers at lunch, little prayers between jobs, and it soon became as natural as talking to you, to talk to him just sporadically throughout the day.  I mean, he is God, and he is always there, right?  So, like I would with anyone that I was around that I had a relationship with, I talked to God. 

If I was frustrated I would tell him and ask him to help.  If I was feeling good about something that I had just completed, He would know about it first.  He would get the thanks for helping me through it. 

He was and is my Father and became my best Friend.

Listening

What I chose to listen to has bounced around quite a bit.  I may have gone on a stretch where I could listen to just about anything, except country. Yuck!  Then there were times when I didn’t like any of the music that was out there and I would listen to talk radio.

For the past several years it was talk radio.  Not all the time, but a majority.  I didn’t realize how that even affected my day.  I was getting a constant fill of the world and it was so depressing and aggravating.  I had to change.

I changed back to music, but changed to Contemporary Christian or to the heavier Christian Rock.  It was a little bit like worship, all the time. The music made me feel better.  There are songs that I can sing while driving or whatever, and sing them to God and I can feel it in my soul. 

No more of the worldly stuff.  I’m out of touch with the news.  I have been for a while.  But like the TV, it’s not really affecting me in any way.  At the same time, the music in it’s own way, is building up that relationship.

I also download several Podcasts from different churches and listen to those quit a bit.  Again, it’s healthy for my Spirit which keeps me in touch with God.

Reading

I’ve also really started reading, a lot.  I told earlier of a couple of the authors that I read.  But there are tons more.  I went through the bargain bin at Family Christian Bookstore one day a month or two ago and purchased 15 books.  Good books with uplifting words and thoughts.  Varying subjects on building faith, building self, other’s who have struggled with God only to turn their life over to Him.  Not the violence or language that I don’t need going in my head, dragging me down.  I still have 7 of those to read, 2 of which each contain 3 different books.

Even the reading has helped me in my relationship building.  Makes my mind think.  It puts different ideas in the ol’ noggin about certain things that I had always thought of a particular way.  Sure, I had to use discernment, but We grew from those books.

Morning devotions also really starts the day right.  I’ve been missing out on those because of all the sleep/pain/mess issues that I’ve been having.  I can really tell a difference in my day too.  These devotions are just praying, reading, and thinking (meditating) on God’s word.

Conclusion

Do I do all of this, perfectly?  Not a chance.  There are days that I’m off, but I still know that God is there beside me.  If I need him all I have to do is talk to him. 

There are nights that I will spend too much time doing chores and oh, yeah, watching TV.  But there aren’t many. 

Let me say this then I’ll hush.  I can almost hear you saying, “Scott, there is absolutely no way I can do that.”  We like our schedules the way they are.  I know. I was there too.  I’ve heard others talk about this ‘”stuff” in the past and I thought the very same thing.  I’m telling you that If I can do it, you can do it.  It won’t take long to get your schedule re-arranged.  I promise you that you will feel so much closer to God.

It will just take time.

Because of HIM

SC

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. –Matthew 7:7

I don’t have a lot of money.  It is the biggest reason going back to school isn’t happening.  I talk of faith in God and just doing what he says, and yet, here I am not in school. 

Just go.  Just take that step.  He’ll take care of you.  Fear keeps my feet firmly planted where they are. 

I’ve written a lot of want to’s. Want to go to school.  Want to continue my education.  Want to. Want to. Want to.  In fact, I’m sure some of you are probably about ready to choke me.  I would be.

Wasn’t long ago I even emailed Liberty University.  They let me know, in a way, that I need to get my transcripts together.  I started to do that.  Still want to go.

I still get emails from LU.  Emails wanting me to attend various webinars, or those “last chance” emails.  Last chance to sign up for such and such semester.  I don’t take them seriously. I’m still stuck here wanting to go. 

Even this past week I received an email from LU.  This one was pertaining to a webinar about the psychology program that they have.  Know what I did?  I put it on my calendar.  Yep.  Amazing huh?

See, the last few weeks it’s been just worrying me to no end.  Lot’s of thoughts about going back to school.  Lots.  Lots.  I was at wits end.  I had no money to even think about it.

I got that email about the webinar and something changed.  God used that moment, that second, that email to open the door wider than I’ve ever witnessed it as it pertains to what he wants me to do as far as school goes.  I responded to the email.

I responded about my fears.  My age.  My current degree.  My lack of knowing what the first step was and asked someone at LU to help me with my first step.  As I hit send I prayed.

Wasn’t 2 hours later I get a reply!  Thanking me and letting me know that my first step was the email.  The second thing I needed to do was send in my application to LU with the attached waived application fee!  God provided!

I’m not going back for Psychology though.  It’s not what He is wanting me to do.  Not going to major in counseling either, though I will minor in Christian counseling.  I plan to obtain my Bachelor of Science in Religion. 

I hear you skeptics, “Scott, you still have to have money to get your degree.”

Maybe.  But you know I’m not worried a bit about it.  There is no worry at all about this.  Nervousness? Yes.  Excitement? You better believe it.  It’s still a HUGE step.  But, I’m not in control of this at all.

After much praying.  After much thought.  After much debating.  This is the door that God has opened for me and I stepped through it.

What lies ahead?  What does the future hold?   I don’t know, but I’m so excited to find out. 

Because of HIM

SC

For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.” – Romans 1:17

photo by jan-don

I’ve talked a lot about faith here on these pages.  Yet, I’ve never actually stated WHAT my faith is.  At least I don’t think I have. I mean, yeah, you’ve gathered and I’ve stated parts of it in a round about way.  But I don’t think I have actually stated to myself, nor to you, what my faith is.   I will use this post to help myself actually define what my faith is.  Should be fun!

Faith Defined

First, let me go ahead and give you Merriam-Websters definition of faith:

1 a: allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1): fidelity to one’s promises (2): sincerity of intentions2 a (1): belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2): belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1): firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2): complete trust3: something that is believed especially with strong conviction ; especially : a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>

Here is the definition from Hebrews 11:1 -  1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

The Basics

My faith, first of all, is a firm belief in God and His son (my brother and savior) Jesus Christ.  It is being sure of everything that Jesus has done for me…even before I was born.  It is the belief that Christ came to this earth, lived a sinless life so that he could be sacrificed to save me from the sins in my life.

Faith Is An Action

Faith to me is also a way of life.  It’s a verb.  It’s more than just a belief.  Because of faith, I strive to live my life, do everything that I do, for God.  I try not to say to myself, “What are my goals?”, but “What are God’s goals for me?”  Through the daily conversations, the awareness of the Holy Spirit, through studying the Word of God, those things become.

Because of faith, I strive to show others just how wonderful and great a life devoted to God can be.  For you I share my past, my current life, and my future hopes with the hope of helping you.

This just popped in my head….I guess, in a way, faith is also love.  Though, one doesn’t exist without the other.  A love for God.  A love for you. A love for myself.

Did I even answer my own question?  I feel like I did. I may have to re-visit this soon.

What about you?  Have you defined your faith?  So tell me, What IS your faith?

Because of HIM

SC

Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessities and not live unproductive lives. Titus 3:14

photo by Anders B.

I wasn’t really sure I liked the title of this post when I first put it in my mind. I knew I wanted to answer that type of question, but the wording…well, it just didn’t seem right. Then the more I thought about it, I liked it more and more. Here’s why…

The Body

Daily, thanks to God, I wake up from a night of sleeping. At least I have thus far in my life.

Daily I bathe, removing the dirt a grime of the day or the previous day and leave a clean fresh surface on my skin.

Daily, on several occasions, I will introduce food to my body. This food is obviously for nourishment. It’s to keep the hunger pains to a minimum. It’s for energy to get me through the day. And also, daily, on several occasions, all that food…um..exits. (No detail necessary I think)

Daily I will read or do other things to “massage” my brain.

Daily I return to sleep, to allow my body to heal itself.

All these things are needed, daily, to “keep up” our bodies.  I’ve in no way listed all of the “things” we do, just some of the mundane things that are a definite necessary.  If things “things” do not get accomplished, then the body starts to suffer or break down.  Energy necessary for life dwindles.  The brain will most likely turn to mush without the exercise it needs.  It’s a muscle too, you know. 

All are things that the body needs for daily maintenance.

“Ok, good Scott. Now we now your daily body maintenance.  Exactly like the title says,” I hear you say.

Well hang on.  You probably already see where I’m going. Come along anyway.

Faith

Keeping up my faith requires the same type of daily attention.  Without this Up Keep, my faith would die.

Here are just a few things that I do on a daily basis, usually several times throughout the day:

• Daily Conversations with God.  Prayer.
• Daily reading from his Word, The Bible
• Let Go and Let God.  I try to be constantly aware of his presence, always mindful that He is holding my hand and is there to help.  I just have to ask.
• Meditation.  Usually before bed, when all is quiet and after my final prayer to God for the evening, I will meditate.  Sometimes I use this time to Listen for God.  (side note: It’s hard to convince people sometimes that, yes, God has a whole lot of stuff to say, if we will listen.  I don’t mean like the big booming voice…I can’t explain it.  Maybe some of you can explain it better than I, that yes, God talks to us.) I typically use my meditation time for not thinking. A kind of brain reboot I guess.

Without these things, my faith would die..quite quickly I’m afraid.

How do I know?

I’ve seen it happen time and time again.  Also, I’ve lived it.  What little faith I recall having, died a horrible death because my daily up keep was nil.

I haven’t listed everything that I do to keep up my faith.  But I did tried to word the body maintenance in a way where you could monkey with the wording a bit and apply it to faith.

I’m curious though.  Do you have a “keep up” plan for your faith?  If so, what are some of them?

Also, don’t forget to leave your comments on my “Listen to God” side note.  I don’t feel I’ve done it justice.

Because of HIM

SC

PS. I HAVE A SPECIAL REQUEST