The Setup

^{A Blind Beggar Receives His Sight}

³⁵As Jesus approached Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. ³⁶When he heard the crowd going by, he asked what was happening. ³⁷They told him, "Jesus of Nazareth is passing by."

³⁸He called out, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"

³⁹Those who led the way rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!"

⁴⁰Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to him. When he came near, Jesus asked him, ⁴¹"What do you want me to do for you?"
      "Lord, I want to see," he replied.

⁴²Jesus said to him, "Receive your sight; your faith has healed you." ⁴³Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it, they also praised God. – Luke 18:35-43

Luke 17 and 18 were the chapters that was my reading plan for Wednesday night.  Prior to reading the reading plan was a day of worry, yes I said worry, about today’s mediation appointment.  Something about me, a dad, trying to get custody of my kids makes me worry just a bit.

Let’s Get Side Tracked

Sure, I posted a really cool quote the other night from Francis Chan on my Facebook status which went something like:

"Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big, powerful, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives"

I got that from his book/audio book Crazy Love which so far I’m really enjoying. 

Having said all that it brings up something totally not at all related to where I was going and that is, I’m not sure where I stand on that quote.  Sure there is some a lot of substance to it but, because I worried does not mean that I don’t think that God is big, God is powerful, or that God doesn’t love me enough.

Being human, as I think most of us are, is there anything wrong with worrying or wondering if what we want is not what God wants for us?  Prime example in my situation is custody of my kids.  What if it’s not God’s will that the children are in my custody?  Is it not OK to worry or wonder until that final decision has been made, which will be when the process is over?

Back To The Initial Point

So, as I think I may have stated, I had been worrying a bit about Thursday and then I read this at the  end of the night and there was a verse in that final section of the final section of my reading that grabbed me, picked my up by my shirt collar, smacked me around a bit, a set me back down to read it again.  It’s more of half a verse.  Did you happen to catch it?

Re-read that up there with this in mind.  It seemed that my prayers to God on Wednesday were always me asking God to do this or that or to help me with this or that.  Maybe just ease my mind because I knew he has control of this.

The point  came to where just thinking about Thursday brought knots in my stomach and tears to my eyes I was so stressed about the whole mess.  Then, when I had just about had enough I read verse 41 and just 3 words prior Jesus asked him, ⁴¹"What do you want me to do for you?"

The second time, after being set down, Jesus was no longer talking to the blind man.  Who was he talking to anyway?  I felt as though those words were meant just for me and they could not have came at a better time.  I stopped what I was doing, closed my eyes and told Jesus what I wanted him to do for me, since he asked. 

The concern, the worry pretty much left.  Especially after some of the things that happened this morning that can only be described as Jesus doing exactly what I asked.  The wish-washy daughter was no longer wish-washy.  I can’t give too much detail, not as much as I want to share, but let me just say, I give all the glory to God because of his love for me and you.   There was a tad bit of worry, but that was mostly worry that my ducks weren’t in a row. 

Conclusion

How did the mediation go?  No change in current circumstances.  BUT, after my talk with Jesus and God, things should be a little better in the future. 

Because of HIM

SC

Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives. – Francis Chan

Three areas that I think I’ll update you on tonight.  Where we are on my back/neck issues, continuing education, and finally what’s up with the mediation and the kids. 

Health

The pain management doctor, some like to call the band-aid doctor, has done some playing with my medicine and I am taking some meds that are a little stronger than I was taking before.  The meds that I was taking, I was having to take way to often and with all the goings on in the news about over-dosing and too much acetaminophen, I was ready for something different.

Dr. Band-aid agreed and just like that, I’m on what I’m on.  Great thing is that I’m not experiencing any of the pain that I had been having in the past. In fact, the pain almost nil and when it does try to flare up, he’s given me something for that as well.

Bad thing is I’m seem to be in a constant state of wanting and needing sleep.  Some days are much worse than others, and when it seems that I may start having a good day or two, well, it’s short lived.  But, I guess it’s a necessary evil. 

I have been to a neurosurgeon and ESI (Epidural Steroid Injections) are in the works. I’ll have to have 3 shots in my neck on 3 different trips.  I thought they were going to start them this week but I haven’t heard back from the office with scheduling information.  I do have it on my calendar (for today) to call, but that will have to be moved to tomorrow since I didn’t call today.

Continuing Education

I did get my application turned in and was accepted to Liberty University.  I have also filled out and submitted the FAFSA forms, which is financial aid.  I’ve not heard anything  unless it’s sitting out there waiting for me to….

I’ve got to get my transcripts from Nashville Tech together and sent in to LU.  That’s another one of those things that I’ve got on my calendar (for today) that will have to be moved to tomorrow.  

So, I’m still going to do this.  I’m still excited and nervous.  I will say this though, and I’m not sure I like saying this, this step, this part of my life depends on how the financial aid part of all this works out.  But, I’m not gonna worry about that.

Mediation

There is another appointment scheduled for this coming Thursday @ 1:00.  I’ll need some prayers for that one.  Not sure my brain is in any kind of shape to do this.  It (my brain) seems to be a mess.  Yet, God’s got this one too so it will be fine.

Because of HIM

SC

See Previous Post

To say that I was worthless prior to the 1:00 appointment would be quite the understatement.  Work, friends, and let’s face it, pretty much everything had taken a back seat to the worry and dread.

The drive, which took approximately an hour, was horrible.  The closer I got to the destination, the more nervous and tense I became.  My stomach hurt.  My legs were getting numb.  And to top it off, all the extra tenseness threw my back into a fit of rage. 

I tried to listen to a podcast or two to take my mind off things, but eventually just had to turn the noise off completely.  I wasn’t really hearing anything anyway. 

A couple of tweets here and there, and a couple of IM’s here and there netted some much needed encouragement which really helped a lot.  More than I will ever be able to repay.  I appreciate all who helped get me there in one piece.  I appreciate all the extra prayers that you guys said on my behalf.

I must admit, I have been pretty selfish in my prayers today.  I have talked to God mostly about me today, but not so much just about what I want.  No.  Though they are my kids while here on earth, I made sure to keep my selfish desires out of this and remind myself through our talks that ultimately it’s God’s will that will be done. 

I arrived about 15 or 20 minutes early.  Walked into the lawyers office where the mediation would be taking place and there sat the ex and her present husband.  All that was left now was to wait for the lawyers.

Fifteen minutes later, my lawyer walked through the door and we went back to our room to prepare for the mediation.  Her lawyer still hadn’t showed yet. 

Thirty minutes later (1:30, 30 minutes after the meeting was to start) her lawyer still hadn’t showed and the person in charge of the meeting came in to inform us that he was going to be late, still.  UGH!

My lawyer and I sat for another 5 minutes before deciding to reschedule. 

The drive home I think was worse.  Emotionally drained.  Mentally exhausted.  But not once did I ask God why.  I know he’s got a plan.  We’ll just have to see what it is next time.

Because of HIM

SC